My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
