good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize