Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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