im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
