I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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