do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
