I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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