weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
