oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
