I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize