just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
