it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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