Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize