she woke up with a sticky ear
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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