Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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