I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just high enough for therapy.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
