I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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