this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
