Im at strip club and am horny
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
