I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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