i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize