you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
