We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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