i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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