It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could make wine with my vomit
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
