the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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