a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize