My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
