I wish I could teleport
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
where are my eyebrows?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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