Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
