Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
