I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
