Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize