perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
