I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
