so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
