i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
