I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he shaved USA in his pubs
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
