All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
