i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
