Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
