just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
is that a dick in a sweater?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
