Yo dont text me then not text me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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