How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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