No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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