remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize