your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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