True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
