just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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