I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize