im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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