I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
