He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I could fuck to npr.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
