so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
