Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my phone needs a breathalizer
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
