I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
