Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
