I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
