He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
