omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
