Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
