Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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