You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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