She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm too high and old for this...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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