Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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