Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
