She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
