When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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